Hearts of Metal and Sand
by DarkMoonX
Summary: ON HOLD. Sequel to When Hardcore Boys Fall. JakxTorn slash. When Jak is banished to the Wasteland he and Torn are separated for months. But when they meet again will their relationship fall or strengthen? Follows Jak 3 plot.
1. Alone

A/N: Though I didn't get too many reviews on the last one, I thought I'd write a sequel anyway. This is the sequel to When Hardcore Boys Fall so if you haven't read that one I suggest you do so before reading this one. I don't think I'll focus too much on following the missions in this one as much as just focusing on Torn and Jak's relationship. There are going to be some cliffhangers when I end some chapters and be warned there is to be some tension between the two lovebirds when they meet again. As everyone knows Jak is banished to the Wasteland so their relationship goes under some new work. But anyway, I won't let you guys down. I'll try and finish it as fast as I can. Thanks!

Hearts of Metal and Sand

Prologue:

_Nothing. I felt and heard nothing. Not his voice, his presence, nor his smell. He was erased completely from my life, as if he was never there. And there was nothing that I could do. When the war had invaded the city I became too involved. I put him on the lines and even saved his life a couple of times. Things weren't going the way I had planned. A heaping swarm of Metal Heads covered the city and even took down the Palace. Things were bad, real bad, and Jak got blamed for it. The citizens wanted him out of the city, and when more attacks happened Count Veger, who had been our leader for law in Haven City, made sure that it happened. When I found out it was already too late. Jak had been imprisoned and because of the war in the city he lost in a desperate attempt to stay. Ashelin told me the day that she got back from the Wasteland. I was angry, sullen, full of sudden remorse toward her for keeping it from me but I knew her situation. She could do nothing as well. She had no control over the law in Haven and everyone knew that as the Governess she was weak and falling from the throne. I told her that I would take a Hellcat, go and look for him myself and bring him back. Apparently it wasn't so easy. Count Veger's patrols were constantly on the alert and if any lone aircraft caught coming from the Wasteland didn't have business coming into the city then they were shot down if unrecognizable. I was also Commander of the Freedom League, the newly trained guards of the Haven Military and I couldn't risk leaving the city, even for Jak. The last time I saw him, two days before his banishment, we had ended on bad terms. I regret that we ever met. If he's dead, I'll never be the same again..._

Chapter 1

I sighed. It had been a month since Jak had been banished. As long as no one brought him up in conversation or I wasn't trying to sleep then I was handling it well. Right now I was alone, which wasn't good for my mentality. Losing Jak was the worst thing to ever happen to me. Even worse than losing this war. I had taken up to smoking whenever I had a moment's peace, but even that couldn't dub the thoughts of Jak from my mind. I gave up on sleep when I could. Sleeping made me dream of Jak and sometimes I'd think about him for too long to fall asleep. I was a complete mess, my eyelids bagged and shadowed and my face always frowning and sullen. I really let myself go and didn't shave when I didn't need to. Everyone noticed but only Ashelin had the guts to point it out to me.

I walked outside to get some fresh air when I ran into Ashelin on my way out. She said that she needed to talk to me and so she stood outside with me while I leaned my back against the wall of what used to be the Naughty Ottsel, now being used as the new 'map and war' room.

"Torn," Ashelin started. "I know that you're having a hard time commanding these troops but something else is deeply bothering you." She said to me.

I looked down. "Just having a hard time thinking that we'll actually win." I said, taking and lighting up a cigarette.

She looked at me but I avoided her eyes. Upon putting the cigarette to my mouth she took it and threw it to the ground, stomping it out with her boot. "And since when do you smoke?" She asked harshly.

She was supposed to be my comrad, my friend when in need, but she had questioned my motives. Staring at her, my eyes cold and my face hard, I took out another cigarette and lit it again, this time making it to my mouth for a puff.

She shook her head and looked out toward the Port. This side of the city was for the most part inactive. Most areas where the metal heads had become too many were sealed up, blocked by a powerful gate system so that nothing could come through. I sent out many men each day to clear metal heads in areas where they were growing and each week I lost men due to it. The truth of the matter was, and no one wanted to admit it, that our men were becoming fewer and the Metal Heads were increasing. I had yet to figure this out. I knew that someone or something was behind it. Whatever it was I would find the source and eliminate it.

"You know," Ashelin sighed suddenly. "Ever since Jak left your mood has shifted a lot."

"He was a great friend." I said, my face expressionless. Whatever tears I hadn't wanted to cry had already been shed.

"I know," she said. "But sometimes I wonder if you two had more than just friendship."

I looked at her, my eyes narrowed and my cigarette in my hand. "He was like a brother to me." I said. It wasn't a lie, but I didn't exactly tell her the truth. Why should anyone have to know about our relationship now? I would never see him again anyway so it's not like there was any relationship there anymore.

"I just know that his absence has made you more..depressed."

"That and this stupid war."

"I was thinking of doing something. It may benefit us all."

"What?" I said, taking another puff.

"I was thinking of going to the Wasteland to find Jak. We could really use his help, and if he's alive then I can bring him home where he should be."

I was thrilled upon hearing her words, even as she spoke them and it even sent a shiver of hope through my mind and a stirring through my heart. But I knew that it was heartache I was feeling. How would I take it if Jak was dead? I needed to know anyway. I'd rather have him dead than not know if he was alive or not. And Ashelin was the only one I could count on. I didn't know where Sig was. I hadn't seen him for months and his sudden disappearance baffled everyone.

I nodded, looking out at the Port. "If he's alive then tell him I send my regards."

She smiled slightly, catching on perhaps. I didn't know nor did I care at this point. "I did give him that beacon you know. If he isn't at Spargus then I don't know where."

"I don't want to know. Just be careful going out there."

We exchanged glances and my face softened. I attempted a smile but didn't get far before frowning. She left soon after and I was full of the most anticipation that I had ever felt in my entire life.


	2. Thinking

A/N: Just a little note. I know in the first chapter of pretty much the first sentence not in italics that it had been around a month since Jak had been banished to the wasteland. Well I'm changing that to three months. I wanted there to be quite some seperation time for the two so that Jak can build somewhat of a relationship with Damas and both Jak and Torn change in that time. Ok so, three months have passed people. That and sorry that this chapter is so short. I kind of lost my inspiration with Jak on this one..

* * *

"Ah don't you just love the fresh sea breeze blowing in your face?! Kind of reminds you of the old Sandover Village doesn't it?" Daxter said.

I sighed silently, smiling slightly. "Yeah Dax, it wakes up a dead memory in me of our old home."

Daxter breathed in heavily and sat more relaxed on my shoulder. "Ahh nice." he said, closing his eyes. We sat on the beach in the part of the city where the rows of houses seemed to stop. We came here often to relax. I sat down as Daxter dozed off on my shoulder.

I had been through a lot the past three months. Total banishment to the Wasteland to deathly fighting in the Spargus Arena. For the past month Damas, the leader of the desert city Spargus, had me doing missions. I didn't mind doing them though. After all I got to drive out in the Wasteland in desert vehicles. Why shouldn't I enjoy that? My hair was shorter and I had a tan. Daxter told me that I looked like how I used to back in our old home, except with more muscle. That made me smile.

I sighed suddenly. Coming to the beach always made me think of Torn. What was he doing and would I ever see him again? I pushed the thought away. I hadn't let it get to me too much for fear of Daxter finding out. I did cry. I still cried. I told myself I was a wimp too. I think it made me stronger, made me think. It also sprouted questions. Questions I didn't want the answer to. I questioned everything from Haven city to my friends to my and Torn's relationship.

I wrinkled my brow in frustration. Why has he done this to me? Why hasn't he come for me? I knew the answer, it bothered me all the time. My heart felt ripped and every thought of him depressed me. He didn't love me anymore. I knew it was stupid but there was no other explanation. The war was more important than me and I was never going to see him again. I loved him but time apart from him made me reflect on my own life and future. I pushed him away completely throughout the day. I constantly told myself how stupid it was that we had to hide our relationship and I thought that it would be best if no one knew that I ever had a relationship with a guy. While it hurt me, I tried to erase him completely from my life, and I realized that with each passing day in the scorching desert heat, that I was succeeding in pushing him to the back of my memory.

I was hurt, heartbroken, and angry. I wanted him but I knew I would never see him again. My place was among the people of Spargus now and there would be no way that Haven would take me back unless I saved them all. Something I wasn't willing to do to the people that casted me out.

I stood up abruptly, knocking Daxter off my shoulder, who yelled as he hit the sand. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to think of Torn or Haven City or their stupid war. I was done being who I used to be. I wanted to rid of the dark power within me and everything else for that matter.

"Hey!" Daxter yelled from the sand.

My face softened. "Sorry Dax. It's getting kind of late. We should go."

"Hump. You woke me from a dream of Tess and-"

"I don't want to know about your dream then."

"Whatever! See if I let you tell me anything anymore!"

He hoped up on my shoulder and we made our way to the house that Damas had sent us to live in. It was past the buildings on the beach and up a semi-steep hill and also connected to other buildings. Sometimes I sat on the roof of it to watch the sun go down.

We walked in the door and the smell of desert air followed us in. There were many windows that we liked to keep open and some wooden chimes. Onin would have liked the place. Our food consisted of pretty much the same thing every night: Fruit, yakow meat, and water. Sleep was peaceful. I had gotten so used to hearing the night life of the city that I had forgotten what it was like to sleep to the sound of the ocean singing you to sleep. It was quiet in Spargus and I didn't mind it, except that for everything that haunted me seemed to scream at me in the silence.

I was tired so I laid down on my bed and looked out the window as Daxter curled up on the bed and fell asleep. While thoughts of Torn surrounded me I eventually dozed and fell asleep as well, while dreams of him haunted me more.

I woke to the sound of Daxter yapping. He was shaking me, telling me that we needed to get to the Arena, and my eyes flew open. "Shit Dax I forgot all about that!" I grabbed my boots and put on my shirt then, skipping a meal entirely, I ran out the door, Daxter clinging to my shirt to hang on. So far we had gained two Arena amulets and today I would earn the last one for official citizenship of Spargus. I was determined to battle whatever stood in my way and so I took a leaper lizard to the Arena and entered the the stadium to stand before Damas.


	3. An Unexpected Visitor

A/N: Again sorry if this chapter is short. It's hard alternating between Jak and Torn without them being in the same chapter. Bear with me.

* * *

Sweat. Damn I was sweating and breathing hard. I raised up in my cot, my bare chest dripping with perspiration as the cool air was beginning to cool the salty water on my forehead. My back and the sheets were soaked. What the fuck was I doing in my dream? Then I closed my eyes as I remembered my dream. I was a mess, literally. I looked down and realized that all of it wasn't just my sweat. I had dreamed about me and Jak, a little too passionate. What could I say? I didn't usually have wet dreams anymore but Jak's absence made them start back up again.

I made my way to the bathroom, which smelled like shit, and cleaned myself up. My eyes were still tired but I didn't want to go back to sleep. It was almost day break anyway. I would get something to eat and start giving out commands. I didn't usually get much sleep but what sleep I did get was necessary.

When I was dressed in my usual attire and sending out commands for the many Freedom League units, I lost myself and the day went by in a flash. Ashelin had finally taken leave for the Wasteland to find Jak, nearly a week after she said she would. I was happy yet angry. She had put it off for too long. She seemed so determined that Jak was in Spargus, but maybe she was right. As long as he was ok I was ok. I could go on with a better mind knowing that he was alive and if he was then he could come back.

I shook my head at the thought of that. I knew Jak too well. He had to be angry for Haven casting him out. Why should he come back? He would come back for me, maybe, but not entirely for Haven City.

I rubbed my temples with my fingers. Everything was making my head ache. I didn't know how long it would take Ashelin to go and come back from the Wasteland and it bugged the hell out of me. I felt like a little boy anticipating his birthday. I went back to work at the new map table, which could let me interact with anyone who had a transmitter. It also let me see part of their body in a holographic form.

The next few days went by in more miserable anticipation. I hadn't heard from Ashelin so now I was worrying about her. I didn't want to but I couldn't not worry about her. I thought I should try and contact her but knew that she was too far out of range to get a connection, and I didn't trust using open channels.

By the third day of her being gone I couldn't stand it. Having everything build up within me all at once: the war, Jak, Ashelin, Metal Heads, Veger, Commanding troops, I went off. I trashed the Naughty Ottsel, throwing boxes and glass bottles stored behind the bar. I wiped every table clean of its contents with my anger and punched a hole through the wall.

I put my head in my hands and sat up against a wall on the floor. I felt myself calming down but my throat stung from my deep growling from my anger and my eyes were hot, along with the rest of me. I felt the pain in my right hand starting to pulse and I shook my head, sighing. I looked down at my hand. My knuckles bled where the skin had been ripped but it remained unbroken. I had punched too many things in my life to have it break in a frenzy of anger to a wall.

It felt somewhat good, getting angry like that. But what was the use if I only did it to myself? I wasn't benefiting from anything. I missed Jak. I wanted him more than anything and I didn't know how to handle it. I was slipping slowly into a state that I didn't want to go back to. A state that I had been in when I was a Krimzon Guard, a road that I didn't want to go back to. I realized it when I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in weeks, as I cleaned my hand at the sink. My lids were drooped and my body was thinning. I needed to eat more. My muscles would grow weak soon from lack of food. Looking at myself in that mirror, I saw my image reflected with a gun pointed to my head.

* * *

It was late that night that I had actually taken advice from one of my men and ate something good for me, which turned out to be yakow meat. It was good but I didn't much care to eat it, but I needed to make a change and build my strength. I wasn't one that usually ate much to begin with but after the war broke out and Jak was gone for good I stopped more than normal, skipping meals frequently. It was while I was eating in the Naughty Ottsel that I had an unexpected visitor.

In the doorway stood Keira, her aqua colored hair short and tidy and her back poised as she walked my way. I smiled slightly as she approached the map table. I always thought her to be cute, just the kind of girl that a guy looks for, but sometimes she bugged the hell out of me. She was good for the war, fixing engines and machines that needed work, but sometimes she asked for too much at a time when we just needed volunteer help.

"Torn, mind if I talk with you?" she asked, leaning against the table.

I breathed in, trying to smile. "No, what do you need?"

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked my way. "I was just wondering if..you've heard back from Ashelin."

I bit my lip. Apparently she still had a thing for Jak. And why shouldn't she? She had been there with him before I had been, back in his old village. I didn't blame her and I wasn't angry at her for it either. I sighed. "I haven't heard from her in days. We can't risk talking on the channels. It's not secure. Probably no connection anyway."

She looked down. "Oh, well, could you tell me when she's back?"

"I will," I said and she nodded. She didn't make an attempt to move either so I straightened my back and folded my arms. "Anything else?"

"Torn," she said. "Do you think that Jak is alive?"

That felt like a knife stabbing me in my gut. I wanted to shake her for bringing it up but I replied calmly as if it didn't bother me. "I can't say Keira. I have this feeling that he is but at the same time something disturbs me. Maybe it's this war."

"Will it ever end? I wish that I had never left Sandover.."

I looked at her and suddenly wished the same thing. There was nothing that she had done to be where she was right now. Her and Jak both deserved to be back in Sandover, with each other. "I have nothing to say except that you were brought here for a purpose."

"I don't see my purpose here." she said.

That's when I considered and appreciated Keira more. She thought she was nothing and I hadn't even acknowledged her skills for this war. I walked around the table to her and leaned up against it with her. "Keira, you've attributed to this war greatly. If it wasn't for your skill in mechanics then we wouldn't be as far as we are. We wouldn't have held on this long. That goes for every other man and woman fighting to help us win this."

I looked down to see a tear roll down her cheek. It put a pang in my stomach. I hated seeing innocent people cry. I put an arm around her shoulder and patted her to comfort her but, seeing as I wasn't good with comforting people besides Jak, I withdrew. But instead of her withdrawing also she hugged me. I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I ended up putting my arms around her and holding her. It's what she wanted and I didn't blame her but I couldn't do this. I didn't want to be a fatherly figure and a Commander at the same time. I only had experience in one of those and it happened to be the strongest trait.

I let my Commanding side get in the way and after a few minutes of holding her I held her out in front of me by her shoulders. Her eyes were red and her face wet. "You okay?" I asked.

She nodded but I don't think she was truthful.

"I'm sorry Keira. Sorry that you have to go through this and sorry that you have to see me like this. We're all having a hard time but let's try and be strong alright?" I said assuredly.

She nodded and smiled slightly.

"Where are you positioned at right now?" I asked.

"I was at the gun course earlier. They told me to get some rest."

"Yeah that would be best. When are you being sent back to northern HQ?"

"In a couple of days or a week."

"Sleep here for a while then."

She nodded and smiled then went to one of the upstairs rooms to sleep. I closed my eyes, remembering holding her. It was the first time I had had physical contact with someone like that for months and it made me think of holding Jak: Short and small. I shook the memories off and went back to work.


	4. Decision

A/N: The sentences in italics involve actual in game storyline but Jak freaks should know that right:) Anyway enjoy! Thanks for the reviews keep em' coming!

* * *

_"Jak it's good to see you.."_

_"That beacon you gave me..thanks."_

_"__I knew Damas would find you. He doesn't miss much in this desert."_

_"How do you know him?"_

_"It doesn't matter now. Jak, I need you to come back to the city. We're losing the fight. Veger is drunk on power and he's taken command. He doesn't understand what he's up against."_

I clenched my fists against my skin, bearing my back hard against the rock I was leaning on while the ocean splashed up on the rocks just below me. How could Ashelin expect me to come back after what happened? And Torn..What would happen between us? As much as I wanted to see him I didn't want to go back, but the feeling of remorse wouldn't leave me alone. Why should I be selfish and let everyone suffer? Just because I had powers that seemed alien to everyone else, that made me the primary for the war? I thought about it. I thought about it long and hard.

Why the hell should I go back? The answer kept coming to my mind, many different answers, but Torn was at the top. I was holding back from facing him. I felt scared to for some reason, as if he wouldn't love me anymore if I came back. I was feeling myself growing apart from him more and more, deciding what I should do. In the end, I couldn't decide so I went for a walk for a while through the city when Damas called me on the transmitter he had given me. So I made my way toward his Palace, which was the highest view in all of Spargus.

Damas. He seemed like a father figure to me and I liked him. He was a good ruler to his people and brave and bold. I smiled upon entering the elevator to his Palace. He had saved me from the death of the Wasteland and gave me hope and promise. I felt connected to him somehow, as if it was my fate to meet him.

"Jak." Damas said, turning around, his back straight and orderly.

"You wanted to see me." I said.

"Yes, but I don't have a mission for you to do. I was wanting to ask how you are faring in Spargus?"

"Daxter and I are doing well. This city is what I've needed for some time."

"Good because only in Spargus will you find the fair treated. My people come to me for protection and protection they have. Winning that last amulet was important to your citizenship here Jak and you've earned it respectively. You are one of the finest warriors we've seen in a long time. You reminded me of myself in that arena."

I smiled. "I'm glad to have your approval."

He smiled and, holding his staff as straight as his stature, he walked my way. "Look at the water Jak," he said, gesturing to the pools that served as relaxing baths. "Water is the supreme ruler of survival. If it goes dry then the result is death. In this desert it is important that my people have an adequate source of water as well as ground laws. To gain my people's trust I must approve of what they do and through that trust we all work together for survival."

I nodded, looking up to him. He was wise and no trace of evil intent lay behind him. I saw it clearly as we smiled and understood. "I never really thought of it that way before," I said. "Damas." I continued but stopped short.

"Yes?" His voice was relaxed and none the least bit uninterested in what I had to ask.

"Do you think that I should go back to Haven City?" I asked. I had told him months before of my banishment but he already knew because of the beacon. I hadn't told him my reason for being banished but I did tell him of one of the people coming from Haven to ask for my return only a few days earlier. Many were banished and sought new life at Spargus. That's where being a leader took its toll. He kept an eye out for survivors. After all, he himself had been banished from Haven City.

He considered my question and spoke thoughtfully. "I believe it is your choice, but of what you have told me, I feel a strong premonition that you are needed there. There's something about you Jak that is different from others around you. You hold powers that others do not and because of that it makes you capable of being stronger. That's part of why I sent for you today. I wanted to tell you to overcome the power you withhold and use it for great good," he said then he looked down. "As you know, the monks have foreseen the future of this world. The Darkmakers must be dealt with and Haven City is one of their targets."

I continued to stare at him, my eyes drifting to the ground. "I know I should go back but what they did to me-"

"Sometimes the right thing overrules stubbornness. You will find that out as you go through life. You will find your place in life Jak and perhaps may become a ruler as I am now."

It made sense and I knew I had new thoughts to think about. Damas never failed to bring out new hope or ways of thinking. With him, I felt I had someone to look up to as a father. "Thanks Damas."

I left the Palace as the sky was darkening. I was tired so I headed for home, in which I found that Daxter wasn't at. I laid on the bed and listened to the noise of the sea come and go on the rocks and shore. Maybe Damas was right. Maybe I should go back to Haven. Maybe I should overcome my own selfishness and face the people to save them and..face Torn without thinking the worst. As I thought this I felt myself drifting to the sound of the ocean to sleep.

_"Jak your friends need you. I..need you."_

_"The city threw me out, remember? They can rot for all I care._

_"But what about your.."_

_"Forget it! Just leave! I have new friends now."_

_"So the hero I knew did die in the desert or was it long before that? Don't you remember who you are?"_

_"I'm through saving the world."_


	5. Last Words

I closed my eyes as she said the words. Jak was alive and well, living in Spargus, but he wouldn't come back. I was too overjoyed knowing that he was alive that I had to stop myself from smiling as I sighed heavily, as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. Ashelin was standing with her arms folded, staring at the map table. She had been acting strange lately, especially since she had gotten back from the Wasteland. She was more silent around me, as if she had a lot on her mind. I eyed her curiously.

"Maybe Jak will eventually come back," she started. "He knows we need him. He just needs some time to think."

I sighed. "Maybe you're right. In the meantime we need to continue holding off the Metal Heads. We've lost too many men this week. We need Jak now." As much as I hated saying it, I knew it was true. I still loved him but if he returned how would our relationship be? Would it be the same after the war? I felt something deep within me churn uncomfortably, as if something big was coming.

"Going to northern HQ is tough, what with all of the metal heads in the city so I'll stay around here for a while. If Veger remains in control then I fear for this city."

"It's a tough ride." I said, then, looking at me Ashelin's face softened.

"Speaking of tough, you've been pushing yourself too hard lately."

"What am I to do? We're in the middle of a war that will never end. How am I supposed to not be at the edge of my nerves at all time? The fact is Ashelin, we're losing this fight."

She looked down. "But there are matters that you're not focusing on, like your health. We need a Commander who is strong and motivated. Torn, you're weakening. I see it everyday. You're not eating like you should be."

I shook my head. "Ashelin I'm going through a tough time right now."

"I understand. We all are Torn, but that doesn't give you any reason to indulge yourself in war instead of your needs. It's important. Your men need you strong and alive."

"Don't give me this shit right now Ashelin!" I said harshly.

She stood erect and narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want my advice then fine, starve yourself of strength. Just remember what I said when we're finally on the front lines for the last time." She turned sharply and strode out of the Naughty Ottsel.

I pursed my lips, clenching my fists hard. She was right, everyone was right. I just didn't want to admit it. I shook my head and in a bolt of anger threw whatever had happened to be within my reach, which happened to be a glass of whiskey. I heard the glass break as it hit the wall but I didn't take notice. Jak was alive and I was falling apart. I wondered if anything could change me for the good. I knew only one answer and that was Jak, but he hadn't wanted to come back. He was my last hope of motivation for this war and in a frenzy of unwanted pain, I had just lost.

* * *

_"What would you rather me do Torn? This city is being attacked and people are looking at me like they want me murdered."_

_I shook my head. "We'll go on fighting the KG bots. I need you with me."_

_"I can't always be there for you to look after me Torn." He threw me a sharp glance and folded his arms._

_I sighed. "I can't lose you in this war."_

_"I can take care of myself. I beat the metal head leader without you I can do it again."_

_I grinded my teeth together to stop the next words from coming out of my mouth but Jak's next comment only made things worse._

_"I don't need you wrapped around me every five seconds like I'm a baby. I'm a grown man."_

_"Fine! If you want to die on the front lines don't let me stop you! Just don't come begging to me when you're mortally wounded." I grabbed my pistols off the map table and put them in their holsters. The Underground was right in the middle of the attacks and we had to be careful. We had to get out of there for good._

_"Why is this so difficult for you to understand?" Jak asked harshly._

_I walked past him, past the bunk beds for the last time, to stand at the foot of the stairs. "I suppose it has something to do with me loving you, and how I don't want to lose you."_

_"You're not going to lose me. I'm going to help us win this. You'll see."_

_"It's all fun and games til' you're out there. You're so arrogant." My voice was sharp and snakelike, cruel and harsh._

_Jak narrowed his eyes at me and we didn't speak for a few seconds until he looked at me with a hard face. "You always try to pull me out of situations that endanger my life. I'm not letting you have this one this time. You lose Torn."_

_I pursed my lips and clenched my fists. He saw my anger, wanted it to come._

_"You forget that in this form I'm stronger than you." I looked up at his change in voice and Jak was suddenly his dark self, a grueling, monster who's eyes were blackened and his build more lean. Jak's darker half grabbed me by the shirt collar and pushed me up against the door. I could do nothing but narrow my eyes at his own, resisting my fear. I knew how his darker half could be. Anything could set him off to rip me apart before I could grab my gun. And I didn't want to hurt him. Whatever his dark half took, Jak felt also. It was still him._

_"Jak, don't give into this. This isn't you."_

_"What the hell do you know about anything?" His claws dug deeper into my clothes and to my skin. I held back the pain growing in my neck. "What's wrong? Hate not getting what you want?" He breathed, his voice slightly deeper and cruel._

_I continued to stare at him and said nothing. His dark half was getting to me and I hated seeing him like this. I was at a loss, not knowing what to do. His claws dug deeper until a let out a grunt of pain. He smiled, his lips curling to reveal his sharp teeth, and relished in the pain on my face._

_"I thought you might like that, Commander." He emphasized the last part, and it made my stomach lurch. He was mocking me and in a sudden whim of rage I kneed him in his groin. He yelped and fell on his knees on the floor. _

_I knew it only made him angry but I didn't trust him in this state, so I ran out of the Underground and down the street. Activity wasn't as bad in the area but it would be soon. I turned to see Jak coming for me still in his dark form. I grabbed my zoomer and sped off. I looked in my mirror to see that he had eventually turned back into himself, crouching on the ground, holding himself. I hated leaving him like that but I what else could I have done? I only did what he asked. If he wanted me to stop smothering him then he would get just that. I would start by leaving him alone.._

* * *

I woke again in sweat, but this time I had had a bad dream. One that seem to recur over and over again every once in a while of my and Jak's last time together. I sighed and rubbed my face. He was alive. I had to keep telling myself that. I wanted him, needed him, to survive. Weeks passed after I had found out the news of him being alive. Would I ever see him again? I had about had it with this war. We were weakening every day but what was new?

My men were worn, tired, and hungry. Demand for food was beginning to take its toll. We had men and women helping with getting us food supplies and we had to ration even those. I suppose that's another reason why I didn't eat as much. My men needed it more than myself. I had apologized to Ashelin of course and she helped my mentality a bit.

While at the map table, sending out orders, I thought that I should push Jak away from me completely, but I couldn't do it. Instead I actually smiled and thought the better than the worse. I thought of him being alive and fighting for him. My men saw my spirits raise for a little while at least, and they never understood why. It was something they couldn't figure out, the hard truth I didn't want them to know That their Commander was a suicidal mess who loved another guy.


	6. Return

A/N: Ok bear with me, it's getting kind of tough. Since Jak and Torn are close to meeting again I don't know how I will do some of their in game dialogue. I like sticking to the story and even in this chapter I put in the original script from the game when Jak and Veger confront each other. I though it necessary since I haven't really talked much about the Precursors. BUT I am going to skip a lot of dialogue and try and focus on them. Since Daxter is around all the time with Jak when Jak and Torn are talking, I'm going to make it seem in some scenes that they're covering up for each other. There is some strong tension between them when they meet anyway so it shouldn't be hard to do. I'm not going to put too much in game dialogue in this, only what I think what needs to be in it so their's some detail on what's going on also. Oh man, this is going to be a long story. Ok enough rambling.

* * *

_"Why are you so distant from me Torn?"_

_"Me? Look at yourself. You've withdrawn from me. I don't even know you anymore. You're different from how you used to be. How can I love you?"_

_"I waited for you Torn. You never came!"_

_"I thought you wanted me to let go. Well, I did as you wanted. I left you that last day we saw each other. You crossed the line there. It was your fault."_

_"I couldn't control myself and you know it."_

_"No Jak, you can control it but I don't think that I want to be with a monster. And you're only pissing me off right now. Now stay out of my way while I win this war."_

I woke up screaming, half expecting myself to change into my darker self. Instead I found myself sitting up in bed in the middle of the night, the wooden chimes softly making noise, my hands gripped into the sheets, while Daxter looked at me sleepily. I breathed out and closed my eyes. Another nightmare that Daxter and I had both gotten used to. Sometimes I woke up screaming, while other times crying, and often scared. Daxter blamed it on the time that I spent in prison, and I agreed with him, but I didn't tell him that most of it was Torn.

I dreamed about him rejecting me frequently, sometimes the same dream and sometimes about that last time we saw each other before I was banished. This dream though was new. Torn had rejected me completely and though I had finally made the decision to go back to Haven the following morning I was afraid to go. What if he was really like how he was in his dream? No, I thought, Torn would never be like that.

"Jak?" Daxter asked suddenly, ripping me from my thoughts.

I looked at him curled up at the foot of the bed. I forced a small smile. "It's alright Dax. Just old ghosts."

He mumbled and went back to sleep. I laid down and looked out the window and eventually fell back to sleep.

The next day Daxter and I headed for the catacombs buried deep within the Monk Temple. It would be a tough ride through the Wasteland, because when we went out in one of the vehicles the wind was already picking up pretty heavily. When we did make it to the Monk Temple we found the catacombs and had to go through an eco mine that Mar must have built. It was quiet and eerie but we made it past only to come face to face with Veger on an underground platform.

"The monks told me you were coming through the Precursor sub-rails," Veger said as I stood before him, a big gap in the ground separating us. "Interesting aren't they? The Precursors used them to build the world countless eons ago. The rail system leads deep into the planet where it's said the ancient ones wait to bestow unimaginable powers upon the worthy. I will save the world with that power, just as Mar did!"

I looked at Veger. He didn't seem the type to want this kind of power but while he tried to stop me something else had occurred to me. While in the Wasteland not too long ago, while Daxter and I had brought down a Wasteland Metal Head, we found something strange. Something, _someone,_ had spoke through a hologram through whatever we had found and the voice that spoke through it disturbed me. As if I had heard it in a bad dream. But the face of the hologram had looked disfigured. It only confused me and so I had pushed the thought away until now. And now I knew the answer. Erol. Seeing Veger like this, it reminded me that he wasn't the only one trying to find the Precursors and possibly turn our world into something else. Erol was plotting something too.

"Yeah, you've done a great job so far, letting the Metal Heads destroy the palace." I said back to him. The thought of me, Samos, and Daxter jumping off the palace and onto a Hellcat came back to me. Torn came rushing through my mind, which bothered me. I didn't want to think about him right now.

"Oh, you couldn't be more mistaken, dear boy. We're on a time clock, Jak! That light in the sky. Do you know what it is? Our nightmare has found us and the end is coming! I needed quick access to the catacombs below, so I attacked the palace myself! It will be our little secret." Veger said

"Well, you're full of surprises." I said, my brows furrowed.

"And you're full of Dark Eco! You and your rat are an abomination! But I will rid the planet of this scourge soon enough. Pure light will rule the universe, and I will be the bright light that shines to every corner of the world and destroys all shadows!"

I looked at him wide eyed, surprised at how brainwashed he was. It was pathetic and that's when Daxter intervened.

"Ah, excuse me Count Vulgar.."

"It's Veger!"

"Yeah, whatever. Isn't it kinda nice to just curl up in the shade sometimes? Just chillin it... watching the hot babes prancing around in their skimpy little bikinis. Ya know, how they just jiggle. I get that special tingling feeling in my tail." Being his usual self, I couldn't help but smile a little at Daxter, almost agreeing with him on some parts..

"Enough! We will start the cleansing of the world with your demise! Behold! I now command the very power of the ancient ones! And this time, the Precursors will not have mercy on you."

My eyes narrowed and I was angry but before I could react a huge machine, one of the ancient Precursor statues, came and fought us. I pulled out my gun and eventually defeated him. No contest, as always.

So we made our way up onto the elevator leading out of the room that now lay in destruction, and took it to the top of the city. But what we found before us shocked us both.


	7. Meeting

A/N: As all of you should know, I like sticking to the original game script so there's going to be some in here. So..hope you like this chapter!

* * *

Things were bad. Real bad. Veger, that pile of shit, put me up on a suicidal mission into the port, which resulted in cutting all of us in southern HQ off from Freedom HQ, the northern part of the city where we needed to be in contact. Ashelin was there. She had only left a day before, along with Samos, Keira, and Onin. Now my brain was racked so full that I didn't even have time to think.

"This is hopeless." I said, shaking my head, my hands on the map table. My men had been coming in all day, asking what we were to do. I ordered them to stay at their posts until further notice, and to remain armed. Because of no connection with Freedom HQ, it made it more liable that the port be attacked from both the Metal Heads and the KG.

I heard the door to the Naughty Ottsel open and I sighed heavily. When would my men stop marauding me of questions? I told everyone to stay at their posts. What more did they want? Footsteps thudded on the ground but they sounded different from my men's. Something was different..

"Ah, the Naughty Ottsel. Honey, I'm home!"

My eyes widened and my body literally froze. I looked up to see him entering into the Naughty Ottsel. What went through my mind just then was a mixture of emotions I have yet to explain. And that wasn't the only renewed feeling stirred within me upon seeing him. I could hardly believe it.

"Jak..I never thought I'd see you again." I said. It was stupid but I did as we always had before and acted calm, especially when Daxter was around. He looked at me when I said his name and for a second I promise I saw his eyes widen and his body tense slightly before he relaxed.

"Torn?! What are you doing to my place?" Daxter hadn't changed in the least bit, but Jak, he had grown more, his body more lean and tan and his face more defined and manly than it had been. I guess the Wasteland really did turn him into a man.

"We needed a southern HQ for the war," I said, trying to keep my cool. It was agonizing for me but I could tell just by looking and standing in the same room with Jak that there was some tight tension between us. "Plus, I kinda like the sign with the Ottsel Head outside." I added, for Daxter's benefit.

"Yeah... it's cool, huh?"

"We use it for target practice." I said, moving around the table. We stood only inches apart but by looking at Jak's face I couldn't tell what ran through his head. He still hadn't spoken a word yet. I was more than happy to see him, but from the past few months, the tension had built and now we were face to face and didn't know how to confront one another.

"Hey!" Daxter said, standing on the table.

"Listen," I said, directing my attention to Jak, which was hard to do on my behalf. "I'm sorry we couldn't stop Count Veger. We all are." I felt the heat rising throughout my body.

"We just saw Veger. He's trying to use Precursor technology for something." He threw me a glance under his shadowed eyes. A look that meant things possibly weren't too well between us. I could tell in his voice when he spoke.

"Figures," I said, turning so that I didn't have to see him. I was damn happy to see him alive and more than that happy to see him at all, but it was hard meeting like this. "That guy always was one monk short of a choir. We have bigger problems now. Veger sent me on a suicide attack into the port and we got cut off. Now we can't get back to Freedom HQ. Our forces are divided and the KG and Metal Head fronts are squeezing us from both sides."

"Never fear, the trouble twins are here!" Daxter said.

I wanted to roll my eyes at him but bigger things were on my mind than to focus on Daxter.

"What do we need to do?" Jak asked.

He was looking down and I hesitated before saying "I'll let you know when you're needed. You both look like you could use something to drink. Stuff's behind the bar." I pointed with my thumb to the bar and Daxter didn't hesitate before jumping off Jak's shoulder and leaving both me and Jak standing at the table alone. Talk about the worst time and place to be alone, with Daxter scrambling behind the bar and me and Jak building up a huge wall between each other. I felt him staring at me but when I looked up to look at him he turned.

"Jak," I started, but got no further when he looked up at me, his eyes innocent and his face somewhat sad. I sighed, at a loss of words and he folded his arms, waiting for me to continue. "Maybe you should get a drink." My voice was deep and raspy as usual. I couldn't believe what I had said, but what else?

He started to walk away but just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I got an incoming call on the table. "Uh oh, we've got incoming blast bots from the KG city section. They're heading this way."

Jak and Daxter both ran to the table to see.

"Can you handle it, Jak?" I asked, trying to give him a smile.

"Okay, so we've got a little fear. Hee hee..but Jak is here!" Daxter said and Jak's lips actually formed a small smile, but not toward me.

Before walking out the door Jak glanced behind him toward me then quickly turned away. I had come to the conclusion in my mind that me and Jak weren't getting back together any time soon, if not at all."

* * *

I put my face in my hands, rubbed them down my face as I looked out at the port. We had killed off the blast bots and even broke the force field to get to the deeper parts of the city. Now Daxter was with Tess, who we had met up with at the gun range. Apparently she was busy making guns now. I couldn't face Torn yet, so I told Daxter I needed some fresh air. I took a walk down the street. So much had changed. When Daxter and I had come through on the elevator into the city we had been confronted by Samos and Keira at Freedom HQ. But the way was blocked off, so I had to leave to find another way to through southern HQ, traveling through the sewers. I knew that that would be where Torn was but my anticipation was parallel to my fear.

It wasn't that I was afraid of Torn, but that I was afraid of facing him. And when we did meet I was having mixed feelings. I felt like puking when I saw him. Actually seeing him brought back so many memories that I had tried to force away while being in Spargus and when _everything_ came back as fast as it did into my mind it made me feel sick. And the pretending around Daxter only made everything worse. I wondered if we could pretend long enough around each other that it would eventually seem as if none of it had never happened. No relationship. No love. Nothing.

But I couldn't. I rubbed my temples as I made my way back to the Naughty Ottsel, or, in more appropriate terms, war central. As I approached the building I saw Torn standing outside, smoking a cigarette. So, he had to become addicted to something to keep his mind off me, I thought. It put a pang in my stomach, seeing him like this. Despite the screaming within my mind telling me to run I approached him, my steps like lead on the ground. I knew he was waiting for me. I knew it when he didn't seem surprised to see me.

I stood a good distance away from him. It would have been a silent night if the sounds of occasional gunfire in the distance and men of the Freedom League loading materials out on the port weren't surrounding us. Several armed men walked up and down the street and the city didn't seem to want to sleep, though for the most part it was calm.

"Torn," I began. "How are you?"

He chuckled slightly, sounding annoyed, as if the question I asked wasn't what he wanted to hear. "It's been..hell." He sighed.

I looked down at the ground, my hands in my pockets, and sighed softly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For that day.." I hesitated. There's was too much to talk about and I didn't know how to start.

"There's nothing to apologize for."

This was hard for me. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to be with him anymore but as I looked up to speak I caught him staring at me. That's when I got a full view of what he had become up close. He had let himself go and either the war or myself was the cause of it. It pained me seeing him thinner than usual and his face rugged and sad. This wasn't the Torn I remembered.

"I was so happy when I found out you were alive." he said.

I breathed out softly, looking down with my eyes. "I didn't know..if that mattered to you."

I looked up to see him staring at me with a disgusted look on his face. "Yeah Jak, because I'm one to just forget about someone like you." He said in a low, icy voice.

"_Someone_ like me? What am I?" I shook my head.

He pushed off the wall he was leaning on abruptly, putting his cigarette out. "We can talk about this later. Not even here for twenty-four hours and already you're bitching." He walked past me to go back into the Naughty Ottsel.

I narrowed my eyes, angry. "Sounds like you're the one who has a problem."

He turned to me, his cold, hard eyes bearing down on me. "If you want to talk then come inside. I'm not going to do this outside where there's free ears all around." he said harshly.

"Doesn't seem like you want to talk. You're so built up on this war that you've forgotten everything around you."

"Do you want to talk or not? Better do it now before Daxter comes back." There was an angry edge to his deep voice and I knew that we were about to get into it real bad.


	8. Mending What's Broken

"Where do you want to start? My surviving the banishment to the Wasteland or your hell through Haven?" His voice was cocky.

I rolled my eyes. Why he had to start the conversation like this was beyond me. I was too pissed off at the time to tolerate his smart ass remarks. He sat in a booth while I stood replacing bullets in my pistol. "If you have something to say to me just say it so we can spare time."

"That's the problem," he said and I looked up. "You don't seem too happy to see me and don't want to waste time on me."

I _was _happy to see him but at the same time I couldn't control my anger toward him. Why I felt like taking everything out on him I didn't know, even though I knew it was wrong, but I had built up so much after the past four months that I didn't know what to do.

"Well you're not exactly thrilled yourself." I put my pistol in its holster and crossed my arms, still standing.

"Why didn't you come for me?" he said suddenly.

I stood there, hesitating. I knew this would come up. I feared the question. "What else could I have done? I was going to come for you but Ashelin stopped me. There was too much going on here and security was tight. _No one_ could get out of the city."

"So you just left me for dead."

"I trusted what Ashelin told me and believed that you were with Damas."

"So you motivated yourself through my possible survival."

"I didn't know what do to Jak." My voice was rising and the anger was building more. How could he think these things? It made me afraid of what else he had been conjuring up while he was in the Wasteland.

"Apparently this war is more important than those you love." he said, his own voice rising with mine.

I shook my head. "What the _fuck_ do you think I've been doing Jak? Tell me. Not one second has gone by since you left that I didn't think about you! I've given up everything for you. You tore me up on the inside."

"Apparently it tore you up on the outside more. The way you look right now contradicts the way you're acting with me."

"There's no other way I can relieve the emotions I'm feeling right now. It's too much and my anger is controlling me."

"Well it's making me feel like shit. And you're tearing yourself up for..me. But you're making me feel confused."

"You think I'm not confused? Just..tell me right now what you want to do."

"With what?"

"Our relationship."

He hesitated, looking down, and I knew right then that he had been thinking about it while we had been away from each other.

I sighed. "You don't have to tell me. I can see it on your face. We'll continue on with our lives as if..nothing happened." My voice held a sarcastic edge.

"Is this what you want?"

"No, but I'll do it for you."

He shook his head. "Why are you making me feel like the bad guy?"

"Because you're acting without talking about it."

His brows furrowed. This wasn't a good time for us to talk at all. Before he could answer with an angry comment Daxter's annoying voice burst through the doors. "Well Torn you sure did a great job of keeping the place clean!"

His sarcastic tone wasn't adding to my mood. I was going to kill that ottsel if he set me off. I walked to the map table and got an incoming call. KG defenses that needed to be taken out. I put Jak and Daxter on the job and without a second glance they left.

* * *

Torn had me confused. Though I knew I equally confused him as well. Things weren't going well between us, and though I had already gone through the exact words I would say in my head to him, I couldn't. We had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Torn had also been in a bad mood. I knew not to mess with him when he was like that. I also knew he'd end up apologizing later for the way he acted. He wasn't one to wear his guilt upon his sleeve.

Daxter and I broke through the KG defenses. After that Torn had another mission for us into the sewers, where we met up with Jinx and broke through even further into KG territory. Then we saw Tess again and she gave us a gun upgrade. After that, we were busy for the next few days. We took care of some missiles, weapons of the KG, and as a result of the last one destroyed Daxter's Naughty 'Ottsel' on the outside of his bar. I couldn't help but laugh when he screamed. And then, Torn did something I never would have thought him to do. He put me on the front lines to attack the KG and metal heads. They were working together, which was strange. I know when he told me that I was his 'go to guy' that he wasn't pretending and I could see it in his eyes when I left that he meant everything he had said, and much more.

It was much later one night, while Daxter slept and I sat in a booth, that I talked to Torn again. The last time we did talk, which was a few days ago, he was angry, tired, and just as confused as I was. I was hoping, since his mood seemed to be somewhat calm, that we could try again. He had apologized, the day after we had gotten into it in fact, but I had shrugged him off, too angry at the time to really say anything back.

"Torn?" I said.

He stood at the map table, not looking up. "Hmm?"

"I think we got off to a pretty bad start."

"Yeah, I guess so." His deep, raspy voice made my heart jump into my throat. I couldn't believe that I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to be with him anymore, when he made my body feel the things they did. I wanted it for his benefit. The last thing he needed was to worry about me. And besides, I didn't even know if he loved me still or not.

"I'm sorry about the other day. I was pissed and wasn't thinking."

"I guess you got that from me."

I couldn't help but smile a little, then looked up to see him staring at me. It made me blush a little. "So," I continued. "I thought that I could talk without acting too rashly."

He turned to face me and leaned up against the table. That was a good sign at least. He was willing to listen. Now all I had to do was spit the words out. "Go ahead." he said, his voice low and his face calm.

I took a deep breath. Damn it was hard doing this when I felt differently inside from what I was about to say. And with him looking at me like that. "Maybe..we should calm things down a bit."

"Well we seem to be at a start." He said, his arms crossed.

"Then maybe we shouldn't pick up where we left off." I said, rubbing my neck.

"Do you have a reason?"

I had thought about it too much. And, when I told him, it came out in a lie instead. "I don't want to endanger you in anything I do."

He stared at me for a good long time, his eyes narrowed on me. I felt stupid, wondering what was going on through his head. "That's the stupidest lie you've ever told me. I'll tell you what Jak, when you make up a better reason then come and find me."

I sighed when he turned. I was an idiot for thinking that he couldn't see past me. "Look Torn, I've had a lot of time to think. When I was in Spargus I had a lot of questions that I needed the answer to."

"Then ask them." he said as I came up to stand beside him.

"It's difficult for me."

"Listen Jak why don't you just cut the crap and get out what you were going to say to me from the beginning."

"I did and you wanted an explanation."

"Yeah and you lied about it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want the truth. There shouldn't be as much tension as we both feel right now and you know it. I don't want to give this up until I have a reason from you." His voice raised slightly.

"Fine. You don't care. You don't love me anymore. That's the truth."

He shook his head and his calm face changed to anger. "You really are such a dick head. Why the hell do you think I look like shit right now? I spent every single night thinking about you. I lost sleep, food, and stability over worrying about you. Then you come in here, and I'm happy as hell to see you but you start rambling all these dumb ass lies about me hating you and not loving you. Why would you think those things? I never would do that to you Jak and you know it."

I closed my eyes and looked down. Despite wanting to sport my tough side, I was about to break down. Everything had built up for too long. "Torn I don't know. I just..I guess I got to thinking that maybe it wasn't right. That maybe we should move on and be with someone else. I..I.." I broke off, near to tears and that's when I felt his hand on my shoulder, pressed firmly against me.

"Jak I understand. I just..wonder if there's someone else."

"No. How could I?"

He rubbed my shoulder, his hand moving up my neck. His rough hand on my smooth skin made me shiver, and I closed my eyes against his touch. I felt his body move closer to me, but there was still something holding him back, holding both of us back.

"Torn I don't want to do this to you. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't want you to have to go through crap that you need help with." he said. I opened my eyes to see his face close to mine.

I licked my lips and hesitated. "I'm just..really confused right now."

"Then let me help you." he said.

He leaned in closer to my face as his hand slid up to my face. His hand on me made me feel alive. Why had I thought the worst of him? But, as always, just as we were both leaning in to kiss, which I had told myself not to do, we were interrupted.

We pulled away fast from each other as we heard the door to the Naughty Ottsel open. We both pretended to be looking at the map table as one of the Freedom League made his way to Torn. The guy talked to Torn, his Commander, about war tactics and as I listened I couldn't help but feel an old flame lit anew within me. Torn and I had rekindled our relationship somewhat but it would still take some work to build it again, just like this city.


	9. Passion

A/N: I have revised this chapter because I looked back and saw a couple of errors and I also changed a few lines because I thought some of them were a bit cheesy. The story should now fit better with the original storyline and therefore, I may continue writing this. Other than that there aren't any big changes to the story, just small errors. I will try to work on the next chapter so keep a watch out! Thanks.

* * *

I had sent Jak down into the sewers the next day, hoping to attack the metal heads from behind and get deeper into the city. On his way back he had blasted the stupid Ottsel sign outside with the last missile that needed to be disposed of that was sent to attack us. The KG defenses had sent the missiles and the further that we pushed into KG territory the harder it became. We still needed to reach Freedom League headquarters. We also needed a chance to talk. I told him to come see me after he visited Tess for a gun upgrade, hoping that Daxter would stay with her for a while. I was glad to see that he did come alone when he walked through the doors of what used to be the Naughty Ottsel.

He walked in and the doors closed, leaving us alone. It was awkward for both of us. After yesterday's interruption I didn't know what to do. I felt like a deep wound was gradually healing but I also needed to know what Jak wanted from me. I didn't want to try anything that he wasn't willing to do, but looking at him standing in front of me, his muscles tan and his blue eyes wavering off of me, it was hard to resist him. He was hot and I wanted him.

"So I guess things went well down there." I said, turning around to face the bar.

"Yeah, just tell me what to do next."

"I think you should rest up for now. I'm taking a break myself. I have to get some sleep."

"Right." Jak said, turning to walk to the stairs that led to the upper rooms of the place.

I caught his arm as he began to walk and he stopped in his tracks, not turning around. "Jak," I started. "How are things between us now?"

He looked at me after I said this and I couldn't help but move closer to him, his blue eyes drawing me in. "Torn I..it's going to take some time. It's hard, especially during this war, to be with you. I'm wondering if you'll still..try and keep me from doing things."

I let go of his arm and he looked down. I rubbed my face with my hands. "Look Jak, I was wrong when I said those things to you. I shouldn't have. I was trying to protect you when I should have let you make your own decisions." I leaned up against the bar and sighed softly. "I don't blame you for not wanting me back for that reason."

"Torn, the only way we'll make this work is if we understand each other."

I looked up at him with a new understanding in my eyes, seeing him looking at me with wisdom that he hadn't shown me before. Something new that he had found while in Spargus. He was a man now, both of us were. It was a bit different now, with him maturing, but I smiled at him. "You're right. You've changed so much."

"Is that bad?"

"No, not at all."

"You've changed too," He said, moving toward me. "I don't exactly like what you've become either."

That hit hard, like a knife in my gut. I clenched my jaw shut and moved my eyes away from him.

"I'm sorry Torn, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It's just that, I hate seeing you struggle. I don't like what you've become because of _me_. I don't want you to focus so much on me that it affects your health and life."

"Jak, I'm on a completely different level than you," I said, standing up straight, towering over him. "Because of the situation you were in, I couldn't help but think the worst. Then again I suppose my mentality level is a bit more unstable than yours."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I've torn myself up inside and all the optimism that comes from you doesn't rub off on me."

"I'm not always a positive thinker Torn. I've been through hell. I've confided that to you."

"I know, Jak. You know what, let's just forget this." I said, turning for the stairs.

"No, tell me what you were going to say." I felt him behind me, following close behind.

"I'm tired Jak, I'd rather not talk right now."

"Then that's it I guess." He said.

I turned while walking down the upstairs hallway. "What?" I asked harshly, turning around.

He paused and I waited impatiently for an answer. "I don't want to see you hurt Torn." he said, looking down.

I sighed softly and closed my eyes. I didn't want my mood to affect him, but it did. "Jak, I don't want you to feel for me. Since you've come back I swear things have gotten better for me."

"But things are still bad."

"Why shouldn't they be bad? Stuck in the middle of this damn war and you don't expect me to feel tired, depressed, apathetic? I admit that you're stronger than I am and I swear that I've tried to be strong but now I just feel weak."

"Dammit Torn.." he said.

I turned around, leaning my body weight on my arms that were outstretched on the railing. I closed my eyes as I heard the soft thud of his boots sounding on the carpet. They stopped and I felt his hand close around mine on the rail. The warmth from his hand revived so much in me that had been locked away for months. I almost broke down, with both of us like this, but I set my jaw and prevented any tears. But Jak could tell from my clenching fists that I was struggling to keep my stature.

"Torn just let it go," he said. "I'm here now and I want you to be happy."

For the first time since that last day that I saw him before he was banished to the Wasteland, we both looked at each other in a new light. I couldn't contain myself anymore and as I looked up at him, his hand still on mine, I moved my face toward his and kissed him on his lips. It was something that I had wanted to do for months and even more so for weeks since his arrival back in Haven.

When he kissed me back I framed his face with my hands, pushing him up against the rail. My hands moved down his body, touching any exposed skin and running my fingers through his hair. I suppose that the passion ran through me more at first but as I continued to roam his body with my hands he began to do so with his to me. His hands moved to my ass, my back, shoulders, neck, hair. Everything that needed to be touched he made sure to do.

We got a little too into it I guess because I started grinding my groin against his and feeling him hard under his clothes only made me hotter. He eventually pushed me off though, after a good few solid minutes of kissing and roving. He rubbed his neck while I stood staring at the ground. There was no way that we could go back to being just friends. The few past seconds proved that. We both stared at the door, wondering if anyone had come in.

"I need to lay down." I said.

"Alright."

"You want to come or not?" I asked, hoping that he would we sleep with me.

"The troops.."

"Aren't a problem if I lock my door. And I have my transmitter so if anyone needs me then they call me on it."

He nodded.

"Look you don't have to..I just..wanted to feel you while I slept. But if that's going too fast then.."

"No," he said. "It's not that. I just want to know for sure..that you want me, as in _me_."

I smiled slightly. "Jak, I've always cared for _you_. You know that. I can't even tell you just how much I've missed you. Jak, I can't even sum everything up. Everything was such a shock and seeing you alive is the best thing to ever happen to me. Jak, I love you."

He embraced me and I held on to him tight. "I love you too, Torn."

We walked to my room and locked the door behind us. Despite how tired I was my passion out ruled it. I pulled off my shirt and Jak's too before giving him another kiss. His hands ran up my bare chest as I drew him closer to me, and up to my neck and hair. It felt wonderful, feeling his skin on mine. I needed all of him. We eventually laid on the bed and I got on top of him, kissing him under me as I pressed my erection against his. We fell asleep like that, both of us too tired to continue on. That night, I didn't dream.


End file.
